First things first – for those who wish to pray for our little miracle baby by name, we have decided to call her Alayna Ann. It is an Irish name (we’re banking on her fighting Irish strong will) that means “Beautiful. Dear child.”
Now, onto my post…
When I first got pregnant, I contemplated a question for quite some time. Now, in light of our ultrasound results, the same question has arisen again: How do I pray in faith for a miracle knowing full well that God may or may not grant my greatest heart’s desire?
Please do not misunderstand, I have full faith that God can grant us our miracle. I believe in His power to astounded doctors on Tuesday and leave them wondering what they were looking at this past Thursday because they are definitely not seeing the same heart. I believe with all of my being that God can make that happen. My doubt, if you would call it that, is in whether he will make that happen. What if God’s will includes a different path for our family…for our precious little Alayna? There are so many places where God can show His power and might in this situation, whether it is now or sometime in the future as he works in Alayna’s life. I also know that God is a comforter, a giver of peace, and that He has not promised to take away all heartache but to be there with us through these difficult times. I know all too well that God does not chose to miraculously save every child for whom we have fervently prayed. While He can do so, He does not always do so. Sometimes His plan includes painful spiritual sculpting as He molds us into who we need to become. So, where does that leave us?
If I refuse to believe in any outcome other than an instant miraculous change in Alayna’s heart, where does that leave me if His will is to show that miracle later in her life? Where does that leave me if He chooses not to do a miracle in her life, but to show us His peace and comfort as we grieve her loss? If I do not leave these options open as real possibilities (along with a host of other outcomes), then what does that say for my faith in God’s will be done? If I DO leave these options open as real possibilities, then what does that say for my faith in God’s ability to perform this miracle right now? No matter how I pray, I feel like I would in some way be unfaithful.
As much as I would like to answer this question, I think it may very well fall into the same category as “predestination vs free will” and other such realities we cannot begin to understand here on earth. Therefore, my comfort comes from Romans today…
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”